Identify as a republican. Worry every Muslim wants to blow you up and every Mexican will rape you. Talk shit about the Clintons. Tell lies. Be afraid. Fear ISIS, unraked leaves and windmill cancer. Purposely misunderstand what social democrats have to offer. Call them Communists. Easily get away with it because half the people out there don’t really know the difference. Realize you are unwelcome in New York City. Blame Robert De Niro. Shove the whole you-can-get-anywhere-with-enough-hard-work American dream thing down every kid’s throat starting at birth, then nonsensically vilify Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for being a bartender-turned-United States Congressperson. What a...
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